Halfread Book
by CaideSin
Summary: Existence is voluntary. [Slash][AxelRoxas, RoxasDemyx]
1. teetering between

**Preface**

They didn't have much. They didn't have feelings, that was a given. It couldn't really be argued with. There was impatience, distrust, disinterest, but those were personality traits that bled through from former lives that they couldn't even remember.

Their world didn't have much. It was theirs, but it wasn't made for comfort. There was darkness and rain and inside the castle there was sterile cold and white. Xemnas had made it that way for a reason. The only beautiful thing in the whole world was supposed to have been their Kingdom Hearts.

But it drove them crazy. All of them stared at that moon. Xaldin would spend days up on the roof without eating or sleeping. Larxene often flew into rages, locked in her room, thrashing and screaming, only to immerge singed, bleeding, her eyes dancing with fevered glee.

Without their hearts, their bodies were prisons. Living things that they could make no use of until their plans were set into motion. They craved movement and action. Driven stir crazy, Marluxia and Xigbar could battle for days on end, nearly killing each other. Then they would lie on the floor laughing. Luxord always watched them, just in case they finally succeeded in a fatality. Anyone who passed by the practice room could take a bet with him.

Their Kingdom Hearts…she glowed in the sky above them, becoming fuller and fuller with every creature the keyblade slaughtered. Vexen could not stand the sight of their incomplete salvation and hid himself away in the confines of his laboratory, working his mind to its limits, instead of his body.

No one knew what Xemnas did with his time. He called them together every few months, laid out a great feast on the rooftop where he toasted their resplendent Kingdom Hearts and shared status reports. Other than that he kept his own council.

Saïx was an unholy terror upon the castle's inhabitants. Like Xaldin, he could spend days soaking in the moon's rays. It drove him crazier than most. His body would become invigorated and his mind agitated and there was nothing that could stop him. No amount of labors could halt his rampage.

Sometimes he was left unchecked, and his consorts simply stayed out of his way. Sometimes Xemnas would come down from his lofty seclusion and calm the man himself. Other times available members of the Organization would gang up on him, taking him down like a rabid animal. More than likely, they threw him a sacrificial lamb.

Whoever was unlucky enough to be selected would return from Saïx's chambers hours later. Raped, beaten, bloodied, bruised. Luxord often rigged the lottery to choose Demyx. The musician quickly learned Saïx's patterns and was not typically around for his rampages.

When he was trapped in the castle at the inopportune time, however, he soon found protection with Roxas and, by extension, Axel. There was an almost friendship between the three, that the others found disgusting. Larxene especially, who was used to having Axel as her own, but he abandoned her for a better prize.

"Well, bitch," Axel would smile at her. "He makes me feel like I have a heart already."

"Are you saying you love him?" She would snarl and attack him and they would fight and he would always win, but he wouldn't walk away unscathed.

And Larxene was sure that it was Roxas he limped to. And she was sure it was Roxas who healed his wounds. And she was sure it was Roxas he would then spend the rest of the night with. Whining and milking it for all the fucking sympathy he could get.

She hated Roxas. She hated everyone who approved of Roxas. She hated everyone close to Roxas. She abused Demyx mercilessly until Roxas finally ran her through on his blasted keyblade. She only survived because Xemnas saved her. No one else would have lifted a finger. She nursed her pride and her hate. Every time she saw them together she burned.

No one questioned the relationship. Roxas and Axel was a pair: two names that couldn't be said or thought of without the other. Roxas and Axel. Like Lexaeus and Zexion. Inseparable in the mind and probably fucking while they were at it.

Roxas often reflected that, for creatures with supposedly no emotions, Nobodies could have an amazing amount of feelings.

**Day 1**

Xaldin was on the roof again and no one really wanted to disturb him. Vexen was squirreled away in his laboratory, working on some experiment, each were a little bit more terrifying than the last. Saïx was silent within his sanctuary. For the time being. Luxord was engaged in a game of chance with Marluxia, Larxene, and Xigbar. Lexaeus and Zexion were somewhere, probably scheming as they were wont to do.

Xemnas was, in fact, off world and the three youngest members of the Organization were sitting atop the Skyscraper of Memory.

Demyx strummed his sitar thoughtfully, dangling his legs over the ledge.

"So, you're both being sent on missions," he mumbled.

Roxas gave a tired sigh. "Yes, Demyx. Xemnas sent word that he wants us in Wonderland."

"But it's the third day of the fourth cycle!" Demyx protested weakly.

"So?" Axel wondered, turning his head and curling his lip.

"So? Well, I happen to know, from several years of experience, that the moon will be at her absolute pinnacle tomorrow and I, for one, am scared shitless because they always make sure I'm the one who…"

"Tell them I'll kill them if they do," Roxas shrugged. Axel snickered and punched the blonde's shoulder.

"But you won't be here to make good," the artisan pointed out.

"Quit your whining, Demyx!" Axel laughed. He flopped backwards onto the tarpaper and stared up at the engorged moon.

"Shit, Axel, you don't know what it's like," the musician protested. Roxas let out another exasperated sigh.

"I can't do anything else right now. I'll come back as soon as possible."

Axel crowed indignantly. "You baby him."

"Try hiding out in Twilight Town for the day," Roxas added, shooting Axel an annoyed glare.

**Day 2**

Axel remained behind in Wonderland. It had turned out the job didn't really require them both and Roxas wanted to get back to Demyx as quickly as possible.

He carelessly opened a portal and stepped through. He immerged at the castle's gates and hurried up. Several members were standing around in the front hall talking. He only needed to see Larxene's face before he knew what they'd done. He threw back his hood and stormed up to them. He was an angry, black, thundercloud, even though he did not command the lightning.

"Hello, Roxas," the woman purred. She hung off of Marluxia's arm with a terrible grin. "You missed the show. Saïx simply demanded he be allowed to see dear little Demyx!"

The keyblades appeared in the blonde boy's hands. He twirled them as he menaced her. Xigbar and Luxord both sniggered as Marluxia shoved her away. She was left to face Roxas down alone. He was small, but his keyblades were terrifying. She had been on the wrong end of them once before.

Roxas' face was dark and furious. "Listen, you petty, sadistic bitch. All of you!" He whirled around to stare at the others. Xigbar seemed angry to be threatened, but made no move. Roxas turned back to Larxene and raised one of his blades. "Leave Demyx alone or I will kill you."

"Yes," Larxene hissed. Her eyes narrowed. Her black boots scuffed over the tiles. "He mentioned something like that."

"I doubt Xemnas will save you a second time, Larxene," Roxas growled. The two began to circle each other like animals. "You aren't worth that much effort!"

Larxene lunged at him, lightning flashing and knives flying. Roxas knocked the weapons away with ease but took the full force of her magic. The room filled the scent of burnt hair and he stood in front of her, smoking slightly.

"Who isn't worth that much effort?" she taunted. Roxas made to attack but she leapt backwards nimbly.

"So, 2:1 in Roxas' favor?" Luxord said, his grin bleeding into his voice. Larxene glanced his direction and shouted.

"Fuck you!"

Roxas took that instant to renew his attack. She raised her arms to block the assault, but was still forced back several feet by the onslaught.

Their fight encompassed the entire room. Roxas' blades clanked and Larxene's lightning flashed. The woman let out an exclamation of triumph when she knocked one of his keyblades away. He punched her in the face, sending her stumbling back. Then he hit her in the stomach with the broadside of the key. She toppled to the ground with a whoosh of air. He put his boot on her head, applying steady pressure as she squirmed and summoned bolt, after bolt, of lightning. He was unmoved.

"Leave. Demyx. The. Fuck. Alone!" Roxas repeated with an angry snarl. "This is still about Axel, isn't it? You want him back that badly? Well have him. Just leave Demyx alone!"

"I think I can speak for myself," Axel spoke up from the doorway. He was watching the whole scene with a curious look on his face.

Roxas stared at him surprise, but his expression hardened over again quickly. He pressed down on Larxene's head once more before releasing her and rushing to wait outside Saïx's room.

When Demyx was literally thrown out by Saïx, Roxas was there to catch him and carry him off to his room. There he healed the injured musician and was then unable to leave, the blonde clung to him like a frightened cat.

"Roxas…Roxas…You're back? Oh…shit…Roxas…Roxas…"

Roxas held him, and rocked back and forth and kissed his hair and tried not to think about the look on Axel's face.

**Day 9**

Larxene was pleased to see that Roxas and Axel were not on speaking terms any longer. Fighting terms, yes. Yelling terms, doubly so. She all but pranced through the halls and when she passed Demyx, who looked dutifully gloomy, she grabbed his arm and swung him around once. Grinning.

"How is Roxas doing?" she said with her lilting smile. "The poor dear, it seems he and Axel are fighting?"

Demyx grimaced. "He's fine. Yeah, they're fighting. See you later, Larxene." And he ran, like a coward.

**Day 10**

Axel was back in her arms. She'd missed her playmate. His pain threshold was so very high. She concluded, as he ran her knife down his pale back, that she now understood why Zexion schemed all the time. Maybe she would try it sometime. If the rewards were like this …it could be quite satisfying.

**Day 11**

Demyx felt terrible. By now he'd heard the story a thousand times over, from everyone but Roxas and Axel themselves, of course. He walked to halls, working his brain, unable to think of any way to fix the growing rift that _he_ had caused. He even went so far as to find Zexion, but the schemer had given him an annoyed look and Lexaeus had thrown him out.

So, now sat in the library hunched over every book he could find, until someone else such as Vexen or Marluxia appeared. Then he fled back to his room. His sitar lay woefully abandoned, as he didn't have the heart to play it. True, everyone left him alone for the most part, but that 'everyone' included Roxas and Axel. And that hurt him; they were his friends.

He didn't _care_ if Nobodies didn't have feelings. He missed his friends, end of story. He left his quarters and went to the portal that led into Roxas'. He found the other blonde lying on his bed, apparently asleep. Demyx considered the merits of waking him up as opposed to leaving, and then sat on the edge of the bed.

Roxas stirred almost immediately, leading Demyx to believe he hadn't really been asleep at all.

"What is it?" the keyblade's chosen wondered.

"Roxas, I'm sorry," the musician replied. He leaned in close to the other's face. "I'm sorry that I messed things up with you and Axel."

That got Roxas' attention, he sat up slowly, stretching. "No, it isn't your fault."

"But it is," Demyx disputed, hanging his head in shame. "If you hadn't had to save me it would have been different."

Roxas' caught his pointed chin in his gloved hand and titled his head up, so their eyes met. "Yes, it would have been different, but _you_ didn't do anything, do you understand me?"

Roxas was an amazing not-person. Demyx mused as he gazed into the endless depths of his eyes. Usually he was quiet and detached, but if you struck the right cord his true nature came out. It was beautiful and intense. The kind of melody that was perfect for a dance.

Without thinking any further, Demyx leaned in, pressing their lips together. At first, Roxas' mouth remained a hard unmoving line and Demyx feared he'd made yet another critical error, but then the blonde responded, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in. Roxas' leaned backwards until the musician lay over him entirely.

"Roxas…I," Demyx panted, unsure but excited by this new development, "really am sorry."

"Shut up," the blonde replied gruffly, bringing him back into the kiss.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.**


	2. loneliness and

**Day 24**

Roxas and Axel were like a leopard and a tiger caged together in a tiny space. In truth, they had the entire multi-verse to roam, but both were too stubborn to retreat.

So, for the most part, they remained in the castle, where the insanity began to set in on them. The only ones still mostly unaffected by the looming reminder that they _still_ weren't whole were Zexion and Lexaeus. Their patience seemed impressively infinite. Demyx often wondered how terrifying it would be if they should reach their limit; he knew Roxas and Axel had.

Although he'd gone to a wonderful new level of physicality with Roxas, he'd gained an enemy and tormentor in Axel. The Flurry of Dancing Flames wasn't afraid of either blonde; had no respect for Roxas, and, what's more, hated him.

"Hey, Demyx, come here," the redhead called, his teeth were bared in a feral smile. "Sit down and play that sitar for me."

Demyx hesitated. He could run, or he could obey. Or someone could intervene.

"Demyx, Xemnas wants you to go on reconnaissance to Traverse Town immediately."

It was Roxas. Demyx could have kissed him right there. Instead he nodded, and disappeared into a portal.

"I wasn't gonna hurt him, you can get the keyblade out of your ass," Axel muttered derisively.

"Leave him alone, Axel. Don't make me say it again," Roxas replied in a stiff bark. He stalked forward a few paces until he was looking right up into Axel's eyes.

"What's your problem?"

"I'm not a total piece of shit, like you."

"Oooh, I'm insulted."

"Look. You want to get at me? Do it directly. Leave him alone."

"What is it with you and protecting him? He's not a baby."

"Maybe it's because I care about him, Axel, did you ever consider that?" the blonde sneered. Axel scowled and looked away. He was silent for a long time. He couldn't care about _anyone_ he didn't have a heart! It was a sickening blow below the belt! Roxas rolled his eyes in disgust and began to turn away.

"I'm glad I was so easy to replace," the man muttered. Roxas halted mid-stride, staring over his shoulder.

"You have someone other too," he whispered.

"That's different."

"Different?" Roxas burst out, turning all the way back to face Axel once more. "How is it different!"

Axel still wouldn't look at him, which probably hurt more than anything else. Wait, what the hell was he thinking? It didn't hurt. No emotions…Gods, that was frustrating!

"It just is."

Roxas stood there, shaking with impotent rage, and then slugged Axel across the jaw. He walked away, only pausing just as he was about to head down the hallway. He stared at Axel who was, simply standing in the center of the room, looking at the floor with some kind of unreadable expression on his face. Roxas almost went back to him, but instead marshaled his temper and yelled,

"Stay away from Demyx."

**Day 25**

It wasn't often that he slept in his own room. Roxas needed him and he needed Roxas, for what? he wasn't sure. He would have said emotional needs…if they had emotions. For now, because he didn't want his head to explode, he would say they were purely physical in nature.

He almost never woke up before Roxas, and today was no different. When he opened his eyes, his head was pillowed on the other's chest. Roxas was just sitting there, quite awake.

"How long have you been up?" Demyx wondered around a smile and a yawn.

"A while," Roxas murmured. He moved his hand and stroked the musician's hair.

"Anything wrong?"

The keyblade's chosen gave him a confusing, unintelligible look, then returned the smile and nuzzled the top of his head. "No."

**Day 29**

Larxene had snuck off in the middle of the night for the second time in a week, leaving Axel sitting in a cold, lonely bed. He didn't know what she was up to…yet.

**Day 44**

Xemnas called them all together for their semi-monthly moon viewing. For once he had interesting news.

"As you all know, our plan hinges around the keyblade and its quest," the Superior murmured. He paused to take a drink from the glass he had at hand. "And you all know the boy who wields it has a strong connection with his friends. My Heartless counterpart was manipulating one of these friends. This could have worked well for us. However, I have a feeling his machinations are going to fail very soon. Do not despair. There is contingency plan. I've discovered that, the seventh princess, who has been highly contested for, was missing her heart for quite some time."

Vexen sat up very straight in his chair, staring at Xemnas with uncontained curiosity. Roxas, however, frowned. He was the newest member of the Organization and the keyblade wielder was a mysterious, but alluring figure in his life. He did not know who the boy was, yet still, he already harbored theories about their connection.

Xemnas turned his lazy smile towards the scientist. "Yes, you see how much this could aid us, Vexen." His gaze swept over the other Organization members. "The girl will be alone and confused," he let a great amount of passion sweep into his voice. "We must assist her. For we have such compassionate hearts."

The Nobodies sniggered.

**Day 45**

When the task was put up, it was Marluxia who offered to design Castle Oblivion. Axel took note of his actions with a growing sense of suspicion. But now that they were spread out amongst the worlds, searching for the girl, he had no way of watching Larxene to confirm his theories.

**Day 50**

He arrived on Agrabah and immediately the heat beat down on him, it was positively oppressive. He removed the coat and changed his clothes, under the pretense of blending in.

They both did.

The difference was, Roxas was supposed to be there; Axel was not. As Roxas combed the city looking for one wayward little Nobody girl, Axel followed the same route, trying to catch up to his fellow member.

Somewhere along the way they both passed Aladdin himself, but the boy didn't give either of them a second glance.

As he moved through the dusty streets and past the colorful stalls, Roxas felt a pang of…déjà vu. It was all so familiar, as if he'd been there before, and suddenly his heart was pounding. He ducked into a side alley and threw out a hand, catching himself on the brick wall. His body was too heavy and his vision blurred and his hand slid down the wall, abrading his palm. He was going to go crashing into the sand and some thief was probably going to slit his throat and take all the munny he had and…

Strong arms caught him up as he sagged.

"Roxas?"

Who was….Riku…?

"Roxas?"

Why was….Riku…?

"_Roxas_?"

"Uhn," Roxas groaned as his head lolled on his neck and his eyes rolled back. He felt the warm, gloved hand caressing his face. It wasn't the same leather glove that the Organization wore. It was different, rougher, a stiffer desert material.

"Shit, Roxas, are you all right?"

"Who is…Riku?" The arms tightened around him, tight and he… "I can't breath…" Tighter and he could suddenly see the marketplace again. He groaned once more and tried to get back to his feet, the arms held him close. "What?" he murmured in confusion.

"Are you all right?" It was Axel. Axel was holding at him and staring at him, looking _concerned_.

"When did you get here?" Roxas growled, trying to pull away, but failing.

"I followed the girl's tracks here, but then I found you having a seizure and asking about R—some guy named Riku."

Roxas gave him an oblivious stare. "What are you talking about? Let. Me. Go."

He didn't remember the last three minutes. He didn't, he wasn't…Oh, no. Axel moved one hand to cup the back of the blonde's head, the other settled at the small of his back.

"What's the rush?" he whispered.

Roxas squawked angrily. "We have to find this girl!"

Axel pressed their lips together, crushing the boy to him and attacking his mouth viciously. Roxas stilled completely in his arm, immovable as a glacier, until he began to melt like water.

"I'm with Demyx now," Roxas mouthed when he couldn't get his lips free. The words pierced straight into the Flame's absent heart.

"What is it about him? What does he have that I don't?"

"My trust."

Axel shoved him away, which he regretted when the blonde hit the wall. He reached out to apologize immediately, but the boy growled.

"Roxas…Roxas, please," the redhead entreated. He kept his hands to himself, for once, by burying them deep into his pants pockets; it took all his effort to keep them there.

"What do you want from me, Axel?" the boy asked, his body was alive with anger and hurt and…all the emotions that he wasn't feeling. It was physical, not emotional, exuding from his skin in waves.

"Can we at least be friends?"

"I don't know, can we?"

"I'm going to try, whether you want me to or not."

"With friends like you, who needs enemies, Axel," the keyblade wielder sneered.

_I love you_, the redhead thought without replying.

**Day 58**

Marluxia found Naminé cowering in a dark, forsaken corner of Halloween Town. He brought her back to his castle, made her comfortable and then promptly began to scheme.

"Roxas, why don't you come with me to Castle Oblivion?" Axel begged, tugging at the blonde's coat sleeve.

"Because I cannot stand to spend any more time with Larxene than I already do," Roxas rejoined and tugged away, hiding his smile. Axel followed after him like a puppy, hanging over his shoulders pathetically.

"Roxas, c'mon, I spend all my time there, you spend all your time here,"

"With Demyx," the blonde whispered cruelly, Axel pointedly did not react.

"Yeah, yeah, with your toy. We agreed to end our stupid little fight, but we never do anything together now!"

"What's more important to you? Getting our hearts or 'hanging out'?" Roxas inquired, raising an eyebrow. And Axel had no choice, he just had to pout and think about how Roxas already made him feel like he had a heart…and that maybe he would say it some day soon.

"Yeah, go fuck Demyx, you asshole."

"If you insist."

**Day 66**

Xemnas called them together, looking satisfied with himself. For once, he was not bringing them to assemblage in order to make them sit under the crushing force of their terrible, beautiful moon. He had news, and found the front hall as good a place as any to share it.

"My Heartless, as predicted, has failed in his mission. Although he did open the door to Kingdom Hearts, he was defeated and that door was shut by the King and one of the boys." He looked down lovingly at his servants, or he made it appear as such. "Somehow, the princess re-obtained her heart…Peculiar no? I want Naminé tested thoroughly. There must be something to it."

"Like, what about the rest of us?" Xigbar called up, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Now, you simply let the boy roam. The more Heartless he destroys, the more hearts we collect."

Out of the corner of his eye, Axel saw Larxene and Marluxia exchange a tacit look.

**Day 67**

Axel began to panic when Roxas fainted. The blonde had been perfectly fine while they were sitting in the library, taking a rare moment to just talk. Then Roxas had stood up and promptly toppled over. Axel was on the floor right next to him, cradling him in his arms.

"Roxas?"

The boy made a pained sound and his face twisted.

"Roxas!" Axel tried again, slapping at his friend's face as gently as he could.

"Who is…Sora…?"

It stopped Axel's blood cold. He didn't need a heart for that.

Sora and all his consorts were a carefully kept secret. Before their falling out, Demyx had often confessed how much he hated lying to Roxas all the time, acting as if they didn't know Sora's name, or who he was, just that he was the keyblade wielder.

All Axel could do was pray that, when Roxas came out of this, he would have forgotten, just like before.

He clutched the inert body to his chest, and watched as Roxas' eyelids fluttered and his body twitched and…

"What did you do to him?" Demyx was in the doorway and Axel really did yelp as one of the damn water clones tore him away from Roxas.

"I didn't do anything! Damn it!" Drenched and frightened and annoyed and Axel lashed out, while one of the water forms picked Roxas up in its semi-solid arms and brought the body to the distraught musician.

"What happened to him?" the kid demanded. He hefted Roxas in his arms easily and it was so effortless for Axel to forget that, even though Demyx hated to fight, he still could, and well. He wasn't as weak as he demeanor alluded.

Axel was on the verge of defending himself when Roxas let out another little groan and curled in on himself. He appeared tiny and young and helpless.

"Get him to his room," Axel blurted instead, slicing a water form in half and advancing forward, every line in his body etched into stark relief by his urgency.

Demyx seemed dumbfounded for a moment, but then he turned on heel and headed down the hallway; the Flame followed behind.

As soon as Roxas was settled into his bed, both of his friends stood beside him unsure of what to do next. Both of them wanted to crawl in beside him and hold him close and never let him go and they were both well acquainted with that bed. It was almost _too_ hard for Axel to accept the fact that he was the one meant to turn away. It was harder when he heard Roxas make a breathless noise; but he went on resolutely. Then he heard it,

"Axel, come back…"

Demyx made a sound like he'd been punched, but Roxas was quick to soothe his ego. He snatched at the sleeve of the musician's coat and tugged him down onto the bed. He laid his head onto Demyx's chest and closed his eyes once again. Axel watched the whole thing with green eyes, envious, dark and heavy with a sadness that he shouldn't have been able to feel.

It morphed into something completely different. Demyx suddenly understood what Axel couldn't say and Roxas couldn't accept.

Once the boy (_they both loved_) had fallen into an uneasy sleep, Demyx summoned the redhead over.

"How much do you love him?" the musician whispered knowingly.

At first all Axel could do was hiss and spit like a cornered cat. Yet, at length he answered the question. "I would bet against Luxord in a game of Russian roulette."

Demyx snickered. "Yeah, I can tell."

"Am I that obvious?"

"No. But…I love him too."

"Man, if I had a heart, it'd be breaking."

"We still have souls."

"You have a point, my friend."

"Oh, we're friends now?"

"Hells. Why not?"

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.**


	3. love

**Day 69**

Axel hated the way he craved for physicality like he craved for oxygen. He hated the way he depended on Larxene's touch, because he couldn't have Roxas'. He hated the way he couldn't hate anything at all because he didn't have a heart with which to harbor it.

**Day 70**

When Axel actually gave the kid a chance, as opposed to putting up with him for Roxas' sake, he found out that Demyx was a little more interesting than he'd given him credit for. It had taken everything in him not to laugh when the musician finally got the balls to backhand Larxene across the face.

**Day 73**

As an act of goodwill, Axel left Castle Oblivion, even though Marluxia had told him to stay. He disobeyed a direct order from the Lord of the Castle for one reason, and one reason alone. He found Demyx strolling the World's streets and grabbed the sitar player roughly.

"Listen carefully, I have exactly no time to repeat myself." He didn't even wait for the blonde to nod. "Marluxia is trying to take over and Sora is in the Castle. Keep Roxas the fuck away. If things turn sour I'll find a way to come back again."

"Marluxia?" Demyx repeated.

Axel growled and glanced around quickly. "It's more complicated than that. He and Larxene are including me in their plan, but Vexen, Zexion and Lexaeus aren't too happy either. They're all scheming. That doesn't matter, I'm entrusting Roxas to you, take care of him."

With that, the Flurry of Dancing Flames disappeared.

**Day 75**

Axel felt his insides squirm with disgust as he watched Larxene tormenting Naminé again. He had never been so disgusted with the bitch before in all the time he'd known her. He watched as Naminé bent like a willow beneath the Nymph's assault. He waited, with very little patience, for the woman to leave, and then approached the girl.

"What do you think?" he whispered.

She gave him a wide-eyed, lip trembling face in return.

"Do you think this plan will work?"

"I don't know," she whispered. It was as good as 'no'.

"Me too," he replied. He winked at her and then disappeared.

**Day 76**

He had Vexen's blood on his hands. The fool had not only made that ridiculous Riku-clone, but had almost blabbed about Roxas and…Axel couldn't wait any longer.

He found Naminé and released her. Marluxia's little scheme could take it up the ass.

Roxas' protection was what mattered.

**Day 77**

The balancing act between sides was becoming difficult, but he had an ultimate goal and a fail-all plan. For now, he was managing. For now, he no longer had to worry about Larxene and the Riku-clone was suddenly coming in handy. For now, Roxas was safe.

**Day 78**

The anxiety began to set in. He never realized how much energy the moon, their Kingdom Hearts, gave to him, until he was away from it for weeks upon weeks at a time. Maybe it was because he was far away from his heart, his Roxas.

Riku was going to escape the Castle soon.

Sora was going to kill Marluxia even sooner.

His manipulations had gone exactly as planned. He sent a note to Demyx. It floated through a portal and landed in the musician's lap.

It said nothing more than: _I'll be back for him soon._

Demyx knew what it meant and it made him miserable but hopeful at the same time. Axel intended to come back and take Roxas for his own and Demyx couldn't think of a good reason to try and stop him. He knew Roxas' mind, and knew what would have been in his heart, had he possessed one. The Key of Destiny missed his Flurry of Flames, just as much, if not more, than Axel missed him.

They would be together when the redhead returned. In the meantime, Demyx surprised his partner with a show of dominance, sweeping the other blonde into his arms and making his passions known the only way he could; with touch, with feel, playing at the lock to the prison.

Xemnas promised them their hearts would come soon…Demyx prayed for all speed. Maybe then he could at least feel sad to lose the love of his life.

**Day 79**

Sora was encased in glass and Riku had stepped into the darkness. Axel was free to return to the World that Never Was. He breathed in the perpetually soggy air and looked straight up into their heart shaped moon. He trudged through the streets passing unnoticed by many of the lower class Nobodies.

He entered their castle, and was greeted in the main hall by Luxord, which put his hackles up from the start. He brushed past the gambler, only biting a curt greeting to avoid getting himself beaten up.

He all but ran through the painfully white hallways and looked for Roxas. He'd told Demyx to watch out for him! Damn it! Wait, he tried to calm himself. There was no proof yet that anything was wrong…but then he found the Nocturne.

"What is it?" the redhead snarled. He looked around frantically as if Roxas would appear to him simply because it was _him_ looking.

"Xemnas told him."

"W-what?" Axel did not stutter. He did not fumble. He had himself together; he could joke; or laugh; or growl; but not stutter.

"About Sora." Demyx, to his credit, seemed stoic about the whole thing.

"Oh. Oh, shit." Axel leaned back against the wall rubbing at his eyes. He had underestimated how angry Xemnas would be about the whole affair in Castle Oblivion. Everything had gone so well; his calculations had been so perfect. Except when it came to Xemnas. He could never predict that bastard! "Where is he?"

"Somewhere in the city. He hasn't come back since Xemnas told him."

**Day 80**

Roxas didn't want to be found and it took Axel far longer to track the blonde down than it should have. When Axel did finally come across the boy, he was heading for the gate.

"You can't betray the Organization!"

And they'd argued about it and Axel had told him simply and heartfelt, only without the beating heart, that he didn't want Roxas to leave. The boy hadn't even turned to stare him down or give him that glower that he'd always given to him when he was angry, or amused, even though he knew he shouldn't have been.

"No one would miss me," he sneered and Axel thought he got it. They had all lied to Roxas for so long, he felt betrayed. Axel thought he got it, but he didn't know how to make it better.

"That's not true…I would…"

Roxas (_his_) had gone anyway.

**Prologue, the**

There were dreams. Mostly about Riku. The name was familiar to him now, more familiar than it should have been. But his mind had a duality that hurt him on such a visceral level that his brain preferred to shut down, than to try to comprehend.

R**_a_**i**_x_**k**_e_**u**_l_**

He rolled over in his bed, burying his face.  
The dreams were too much.

There were emotions that felt out of place in him, as if he shouldn't be allowed to have them. The visions of Riku brought along feelings of blame and there was something, some reason for there to be blame, but it felt off. It felt wrong.

Why**_that's_**do**_not_**you**_true_**have**_I_**the**_would_**keyblade?

There was something missing. Vital…_vital_…the pace of his blood quickened and his body flamed and he writhed on his bed with a groan. His ears buzzed and his head pounded and…he rolled to his side and fell to the floor with a painful thump. All sensation ceased in that one, blessed, moment.

**x**

It hurt, sometimes, Demyx reflected. For once, he understood the hurt, because it wasn't in his heart. He didn't have one, it wasn't there; it just wasn't. It was a physical pain in his chest. He tried to ignore it, as he lay on Roxas' abandoned bed, stroking the strings on his sitar, letting them vibrate and sound off, one by one.

It was a pain…that made him stronger. Axel saw the subtle change in the musician's manner and didn't know whether to be relieved or saddened by the hard look on the once-boy's face.

**x**

All he knew was that he would not so readily accept Roxas' absence. He looked far and wide throughout the multi-verse. His key was not to be found and Axel had begun to despair until he'd realized it wasn't Roxas he needed to find. Instead he hunted after Naminé's gentle energy signature.

He found the girl in Twilight Town…he found the girl with Riku and DiZ. He didn't have any desire for the other two to know of his presence, so he snuck around watching the town's folk, praying Roxas would be among them, but he wasn't. Finally Axel saw his chance to speak with the witch.

She was stunned to see him. "Axel, you shouldn't be here."

"Where is Roxas?"

"He isn't here," she answered clearly. He was impressed to see she had, at last, grown a backbone.

"Where is he?"

"Axel," the girl pleaded. "You can't see him. Things will just turn out badly."

"No," he was getting snappy and flames popped at his fingertips. He stared her down; loomed over her; whatever it took to get to Roxas, he would do it. "Where is he."

"He's a part of Sora. This is his chance to be whole."

"NO!" Axel slammed his fists down onto the table and put his full weight on its oaken legs. Naminé stared at him in terror, until she took notice of the way his shoulders shook and his breath heaved.

"Sora is the key to everything. For everyone. He needs to be at his strongest. He needs to be whole."

"He can't have Roxas!" Axel was choking on his words and his eyes shone with emotions that…weren't there! "Roxas can be whole without him! It should work both ways!"

"But it doesn't!" Her own voice became heated. Axel didn't understand what it was like to be born under their special circumstances. The Nobodies felt ostracized, so too did the Shadows. Yet they had no companions to take comfort with…

"I want him back," Axel growled out his warning. Flames licked the wooden surface on which he laid his hands.

"He won't be whole, no matter what you or Xemnas believe."

Axel shot forward, reaching across the table and seizing her forearms, gripping her painfully. He held her eyes with his own just as easily. She stared through those windows, deep down into his soul, where she found something startling.

"I love him, Naminé. Don't take him away from me."

Axel, the Flurry of Dancing Flames, Number VIII of the Organization, was reduced to begging. The memory witch was struck by the intensity of his not-feelings. She made her decision.

"I will do what I can. In the end, it is his choice."

**x**

Riku often found himself incapable of the same apathy that DiZ seemed to have perfected. He looked at Roxas and saw Sora, yet everyday they wasted waiting for Naminé to finish her task, the more he came to know a different boy.

Sora was a child and that was part of his appeal. If he was displeased, his pitch would become a gentle whine and he would entreat Riku to be fairer. Roxas, on the other hand, would take up arms to get his way, never even wasting so much as a breath.

Riku felt a smile tug at his lips. The Almasy boy deserved those beatings more often than not.

However, deserved or not, it wasn't something Sora would do. Riku was beginning to obtain a duality to his thinking. It tore at him in ways he shouldn't have allowed. But…as much as he wanted Sora back…he began to pity Roxas' loss. The boy would first lose one life, and then another. He would be stripped of all self and forced back into his mold.

The price was worth it though…wasn't it?

_I love him_, Riku thought. It was simple and without finesse, but it encompassed his purpose. He loved Sora.

**x**

When Naminé high jacked his data and entered the virtual world, DiZ was furious. He did not know what she was playing at, but she had to be stopped at once. He sent Ansem out to do the job with an offhanded comment about getting rid of the girl, now that she had outlived her usefulness. The callous words stung even his heart. He reminded himself firmly, however, that his revenge came before his emotions.

Roxas could not be allowed to know he had a choice.

He couldn't fathom why Naminé did what she did, perhaps she was sympathetic, perhaps she thought he would repay her with love, whatever it was, DiZ did not like it.

He also did not like the warm energy reading that seemed to dance across his screens from time to time. Things were almost ready. He had to be prepared.

**Post Reference**

He looked down at the imposters face and felt his stomach completely turn. He put his thoughts on hold as Xemnas said something, which he figured must have required laughter. He chuckled along with the others, though it was totally without heart.

Oh, ow, that seriously wasn't funny either; his laughter lost some more of its already severely lacking humor.

The imposter…He hadn't actually realized he'd cared, which was definitely completely impossible. No heart, no caring, or at least that's what he'd always been told; he was beginning to question. He looked at the boy with that heartbreakingly (Oh, just stop, he told himself) familiar face. There was an answer he wanted—needed. He asked the question and was rewarded with favorable results, of a kind.

"Roxas used to give me that exact same look," he snickered. The look on Sora's face had made his sudden, confusing feelings intensify. That boy had been like a son, which wasn't possible. It just wasn't! He forced out another snigger, let out another insult and then hurried to disappear.

His thoughts were rolling faster than he could keep up. He thought of Axel and then of Roxas and how much it was like _missing_ something…a part of the family? No! He slammed a fist down, scowling at the floor. There were no feelings! He pushed the emotions into a far corner of his _mind_ and there he locked them away. He didn't have feelings…Roxas and Axel were traitors…and he…was ordered to use aggressive means. If that pussy Demyx could handle this, so could he.

Convincing himself was much easier than it should have been and he cringed. One day, when he had his heart, this might just come back to haunt him.

**x**

Sora was the cynosure of all their efforts. The key, if you would. How quaint.

Xemnas let the corner of his mouth twitch into a sharp little smile.

Rain dripped from his hair into his eyes.

* * *

End.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.**


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